So now what?
What does a career mama do when her kids are "grown"?
At 21 and 19 they don't need me anymore.  I am grateful they still want me.... but I am not really needed anymore. Nor should I be , if I have done my job right.

 So ...Let's  just say I am retired.

But now What???

The thing is...

For me it's not " NOW what do I do"?

For me.... it's "now what do I do FIRST"?

I have so many things I want to do, try, express, share and learn.  And so many places I want to go.

 So many ideas crammed in my head. My problem is what to do first. How to organize and finally follow through with all those ideas.

Well,  I'm hoping this blog will be a good place to start.

So, should I change the name? Plain Jane mama? Does that fit anymore? I am not actively parenting anymore.

The more I thought about it , I really felt like I will always be mama.  It's who I am, who I was meant to be.   Not just to my kids because I do have a tendency to mama wherever I go. And most of my creative ideas and thoughts and plans are linked to what I've learned from full time parenting.
So for now I will remain plain Jane Mama. Your average plain and simple Mama,  sharing what she has learned and what she continues to learn , and .......

 how she goes about becoming Jane again too.

 8…years…later…

Whaaaaaaaaat????????

Time really does pass so quickly…….    when looking back.

When you are in the thick of it… you don't see it slipping away so much. You have moments of awareness, of heart grabbing clarity that snaps you out of the day to day stuff and yells in your ear to "PAY ATTENTION! THIS WONT BE HERE FOR LONG! And "you REALLY are going to miss this!"

 I started writing this blog for many reasons.
One~ as a daily practice of awareness. A time for me to remind myself just how good I have it. Two~ to document all those sweet AND  sour moments that you think at the time you'll never forget ... but you do.  And
Three~ to maybe inspire others and reassure them that we all have our so called
'Issues".

Clearly I am no writer. I am no expert on anything. My education and vocabulary is limited and you will find many grammatical and spelling errors throughout even despite spellcheck.

What I do have is thought. And heart. A lot of it! It keeps me up at night and harasses me all through my days.
I have journaled my whole adult life, and that helps. But lately I feel a need to be heard. And to also hear more from other thoughtful, heartfelt minds. I follow a few inspirational blogs but would like to find more.

To be completely honest, being too busy was not the only reason I stopped writing in this blog.

Honestly , mostly it felt very vain to me. Who authorized me to write a blog???
No one deemed me worthy of speaking my mind and sharing my life. I am not -that -important. A nobody, really.

But there are a whole lot of "nobodies " out there that have thoughts and opinions worth hearing. And Now...8 years later, and approaching 50, this "nobody" has learned... it doesn't matter what people think of me. And  It has nothing to do with vanity.  It's simply about sharing who I am, what I've learned, and my plans and dreams for the future.
 And I have a whole lot of them!😘

Ardenism

Arden says...
"Just once I wish I had a Mom who didn't bring me yummy cranberry bread and who would let me decorate the house with Christmas lights!"

I only have a few house lights every year because I hate to waste energy and she dreams of a Griswald Christmas house... and apparently I'm now an embarrassing Mom when I bring homemade snacks to soccer practice.

She said "You're just too good of a Mom"...

so I said "OH SHUT UP!"in a mean Mom voice! ( something we are not allowed to say in our house)

pause... a look of shock... and then we both laughed!

fish update

So when I started this blogging thing I wrote a little about our poor pathetic abused and neglected fish that just won't die no matter how bad we treat it. Well just a quick update...

The water was dark orange, murky and down to about an inch and a half and the poor thing practically had to swim on his side so I decided It was about time I dealt with it. I filled up a pitcher with water and let it sit all day so it could get to the same room temp. as the tank water. That evening I asked Logan to take the pitcher (sitting on the kitchen counter) and add it to the tank. simple enough...
He and his 13 year old half listening brain couldn't understand that I meant the pitcher with WATER in it and thought I meant the coffee pot 3 inches from the WATER pitcher. He asked "this one right here mom?" and me not looking just said yes.
Next thing I know he is yelling " there is coffee in here mom!" OH ya... that would be because it IS a coffee pot Logan...
Anyway we spent the next 15 or 20 minutes trying to rescue the fish who now was barely moving. I had to put him in fresh water and hope that the temp. change wouldn't do him in but hopefully revive him from his caffeine overdose.
It wasn't looking good for the fish but it was for me, if you know what I mean. Could it finally be over for this 9 year old fish?
Sure enough he is alive and swimming still this morning.

TIME

Life is finally getting back to "manageable"
I went to sleep last night with a smile on my face and was very conscience of the fact that that hasn't happen in a long while. The stress of this last year has been exhausting.
Most of you know by now that Mamaisms is no more. You know the saying " too much of a good thing is still just too much" ? Well that has been my life this last year. It was all good, just too much. It seem silly to even complain about it when there are so many people struggling with far greater issues, but it has been hard.

I read a book once about "how to have it all". I got it when my kids were young and my life felt completely out of control . I thought it might help me get organized. HA! I did get a few good organizational tips , but mostly it made me so much busier and therefore more neurotic and in the end just plain NUTS trying to do it all.
I know now you CAN'T have it all. You can't have too much that you are unable to devote the right amount of time to do any one thing well. Does that makes sense?
If I'm running around trying to have a perfect life I end up missing ... well... LIFE!
And right now the one thing I want to do well now is parent my kids the best that I can while I still can. Time with them is slipping away and while I completely believed in the Mamaism theory, the Mamaism company was making me a not so good Mom!

This past year I've miss so much of life. All the things that make me happy. Time with my husband and kids, reading, gardening, volunteering, cooking, laughing, exercising, painting, friendships,journals, sleeping ( I haven't slept in a year!) and just plain "Being". When was the last time you just sat and did nothing?... It's one of my favorite things to do ( Arden caught me doing it last night before bed and thought I was crazy ) it doesn't take long, just a few minutes once in a while and it's so refreshing! Try it! Teach it to your kids! and maybe even your husbands! :)

Mamaisms has taught me so many things.
I know I am competent enough to do anything I put my mind to.
I learned a lot about computers and business.
It showed me that the world is still open to positive messages.
It's taught me who my true friends are (thank you all for your amazing support!)
and brought me some great new friends.

But mostly it has reminded me of what I've always known. That NOBODY loves and supports me more than my husband and nothing is more important to me than Paul, Logan and Arden and the kind of life that we have built together. A life that we actually make the time to enjoy each other.

This year has also brought many sad reminders that time runs out for us all. Lives end, people move away, kids grow up and leave their mamas! And so I leave you with one last "mamaism" "Be Happy with What You Have"
I know I am!

Only the good die young

When I told Arden about the passing of our friend Ray this last Friday she, like the rest of us went through the mixed emotions. Shock, disbelief, sadness, worry about his family, confusion in trying to grasp the actual concept of death ... How is someone here one moment and gone the next... and then finally FAITH. That it is not the end, that he is at peace and that he will always be with his family just in a different way. Easier said that done... But I was so proud of her for reaching that realization even if for a moment. And then in true Ardenism form she matter-of-factly said... " Mama...have you ever noticed that only the good die young?..."

Ray was 45 and I can honestly say he was probably the nicest man I've ever had the privilege of knowing. Never have I heard an unkind or negative word out of his mouth. He was a quiet but not shy,everyone loved Ray, humble, and a true family man. He was the father we all wish we had, and we all want for our kids. He was the husband of every woman's dreams- Kerry's best friend and her perfect compliment. They were always together and they both had the greatest and wittiest sense of humor.

I have watched my friend Kerry care for him with courage, grace and strength that I could only hope to have. She has shown complete selflessness.

We have know them for the last 7 years. We used to live across the street from each other and had many, many good times together. Logan and their son Keaton have remained the best of friends. They are like family to us. We have had Good times and hard times and - happy and sad times. But in times like these it really makes me wish I was a better friend. I regret all the wasted times and wish I could do anything to ease her pain.

Yes, Ray was far too Good and young to die. But my God the time he spent on this earth was more than memorable and his goodness will live on through his family and I have FAITH that in time they will be alright.

Please keep them in your prayers. Ray, Kerry, Keaton, and Olivia Underhill.

You can know more about Ray and his life at www.rayunderhill.com


Life is too short to waste on the details. I hope you all know how much you mean to me.
always- Jane

Sweet Girls night out

It's been so long since I've written! I'm sorry if I've disappointed all of my maybe 4 viewers! I'm going to try to catch up tomorrow with a few posts.

So My little Arden turned 11 last weekend and you'd have thought it was her 18th . She has always wanted to ride in a limo (she is so deprived!) So she and her father came up with a limo ride party.

She was so excited for days and days thinking of riding in one. She invited 7 friends and told them to "dress fancy"! They started out at our house for pizza (eating as much as Logan and his buddies on his 13th birthday) talking up a storm ,putting poor Paul into shock, then they piled in to the limo and we cruised down to the beach and did the loop all the while waving out the window, SINGING, TALKING (all at once) and sipping sparkling cider out of plastic wine glasses. We drove around for an hour and then got dropped off downtown on the riverfront for ice cream and a walk about.

Do not think for a moment that I was not fully aware that this might be the last time I am allowed to tag along for one of these girl parties. Luckily I am not THAT embarrassing just yet and I even got to sing along ( yes.. I do know all the words to their songs) I even got all teared up at one point and she either didn't notice or didn't mind! I can't help it. They were so adorable and I feel it slipping slipping away! My favorite part was watching all the faces of the people we passed light up when they realized it was a limo full of beautiful little girls waving at them.

Oh yes .... we did have a few expected moments of raw pre- PMS moments through out the night, but far less than I anticipated and they were resolved swiftly and sweetly. But, they are girls.....

all in all it was a most memorably and fantastic girls night out!